My Social Media Strategy (Spoiler: I don't have one. Shhh.)

My social media stream of consciousness:

What a lark! What a plunge! Wait - should I post that tweet about smelly feet? I could offend someone who smells and I really don't want to do that because they must have enough problems and oh, why is Darth Vader following me? Is my profile picture evil?

BREATHE.

Do I have enough followers? Does it look bad if I follow more people than follow me? I am so unpopular, this is going to be just like that time at the pool with the pooping...NO...that memory stays in the preschool vault. They should never have brought us to the pool anyway - no good ever came of water wings.

BREATHE.

I have no comments. I am shouting into the void and the void is laughing at me and wearing water wings and this was all a terrible mistake because my dog can't comment and he's the only one who really gets me. DOOM DOOM DOOM...

Ahem.

You get the idea. Guys, social media is scary, especially when you've been away for awhile, and it's easy to put pressure on yourself. It can drive you bonkers. I usually like to go into new situations with a strategy (preferably with CHARTS and LISTS), but I'm not doing that this time. 

I'm still wearing my social media water wings and I'm just gonna float here for awhile without worrying about page views or followers or comments or subtweets (because I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE). I do not have a plan for social media world domination* because this should be fun, right?

Do you ever feel like the void is laughing at you? Any tips on how to relax and enjoy social media?

*I may or may not have a secret social media lair and a social media laser ray. It's really none of your concern. Look away.